Alexander Technique, self-acceptance, and love

I sometimes say that the Alexander Technique comes down to a practice of love. The Technique is based on non-doing, which results in self-acceptance, without grasping or reacting. And this enables us to be with another free of judgments and expectations.

So what do I mean by love?

Love is:

  • I seek to see you as you are
  • I accept you as you are without judgment or wanting to change you
  • I give you the right to be here with all of yourself – as well as the right to choose not to be
  • I give you time and attention
  • I respect you and your choices
  • I believe you have the right to take up space
  • I connect with you, am available, am prepared to be moved by you
  • I am serious with you, and take you seriously
  • I choose to be with you
  • I accept and respect myself, and am willing to share feelings and thoughts openly with you
  • I show up in this relationship with all of me

Love is not:

  • I’m not jealous of you
  • I’m not in competition with you
  • I don’t have anything to prove to you
  • I don’t judge or resent you
  • I don’t anticipate judgment or rejection from you
  • I do not avoid conflict with you, any more than I shy from an emotional connection with you
  • Love it not soppy, or ‘nice’; I don’t pander to you – it takes guts and risk

Compare passion:

  • I can’t get enough of you
  • I need you to complete me
  • I idolize you
  • I am turned on by you, get excited just thinking about you; long to meld physically

A friend of mine, an artist, paints portraits. She says that no matter who she is painting, by the time she has finished the portrait she feels love for her sitter. For me this applies to my Alexander Technique students. Love is active, a giving of non-judgmental attention. It is not just a lucky happening.

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